How Things Work In Corea

hej all and sundry. It’s warm here now. Summer is on. It’s not killing us yet but it is a bloody warm june that is for certain. I haven’t worked for the last two Thursdays or Fridays its’ quite amazing really. I guess they are trying to squeeze in the school excursions before the rain comes. Whatever they are doing, I’m loving it. I have been working on a business plan for the last 48 solid hours (that’s true ‘cause I am also dreaming it) but it feels like 48 bloody hours staring at a computer. I am sooooooooo play-faced I keep seeing cursor blips when I close my eyes. I have had so many numbers run through my head in the last two days whenever I try to have a normal conversation I sound drunk, whenever I try to discuss the numbers I sound worse. I fear I am not making the best first impressions with some of the people I am contacting. As for right now I am actually having a beer and I feel like I am having my first straight thoughts since last week, but I fear that I still sound the same, but have a more socially acceptable excuse for it.

I am staring to understand what makes being self employed so attractive. I am not self employed, that is years away if ever, but I am contacting people under the pretence of being self employed. So for the purposes of those conversations, I am self employed and I really like it. The ringing, bartering, saying “look, no, I’m sorry but that’s just too high. I really want to do business with you because I love your product but I just can’t come at that.” People want to sell, the purchaser is being polite and complementary, they are eager to please and glad it’s not some arse telling them to piss off and drop their price 43% just to get you to agree to it. But as much fun as that is, it still leaves me with a bitter aftertaste because if someone can sell you a product at nearly half of the off-the-shelf price and still make enough profit to be happy with the transaction, then they were taking you for a HUGE ride form the get-go and you can’t loose the feeling that they still might be.

Another fun one is: “Well if you can’t do THAT for me, then please tell me why it is that I should be using your product when you know that your competitors can and will”. That is a “wiggly-squirmy-I’m-being an arse” fun one. But it was also fun today when one dude was unflappable and reeled about 6 reasons off the top of his head as to the “why?” and I think I will be going with him.

The other really amusing one was a “This could only happen in Corea” moment. I rang a Corea-based major international firm, with a worldwide staff of about 20 000 employees, and I will relay our conversation for you verbatim (I want to emphasise that I am not making this up, not one single word):

Intro: I am looking at their internet site for a contact email address for about 15 minutes and am unable to find one. That’s when I ring their “Contact Number for Foreigners Living in Corea”

Phone person 1: Yobuseo! (Standard Coean telephone greeting)
Me: Hello, do you speak English?
PP1: Just a moment
PP2: Yobuseo!
Me: Hello, do you speak English?
PP2: A little………………
Me: I’m looking at your website and I can’t find a contact email address. Could you give me one, please?
PP2: Just go to “contact us” and click on it.
Me: I did that. That’s where I got your phone number.
PP2: Well, click on the email address.
Me: There isn’t one. That’s why I rang you.
PP2: Yes, there is.
Me: No, there isn’t.
PP2: Yes, there is.
Me: Please look at it and tell me where it is.
PP2: There isn’t one. What you have to do is log in with your membership number and you can find a contact address in there.
Me: I’m not a member, I am trying to contact you about becoming a member.
PP2: That’s okay. Just use your membership number anyway.
Me: But I don’t have one.
PP2: Well you have to have one to log in.
Me: I know that that’s why I rang you. Can you please give me a contact email address.
PP2: We don’t use email.
Me: What do you mean?
PP2: We don’t use email.
Me: Are you telling me that, at ‘bollockscompany’ with 20 000 employees, that nobody has an email address.
PP2: Yes. We don’t use email.
Me: I don’t believe you. I think you are lying.
PP2: No, it’s true. We don’t use email.
Me: Please connect me to another person.
PP2: Why, I told you we don’t use email.
Me: Yes, I heard you. And I told you that I think you are lying. I also think you are unhelpful and a bit stupid. You must also think that I’m a bit stupid. So please tell me you name, and transfer me to another operator.
PP2: Hold the line please……………..
7 minutes on hold she didn’t tell me her name.
PP3: Hello, I am another person.
Me: (light chuckle at stupid introduction) Yes, I am looking for a contact email address at ‘bollockscompany’. Can you help me?
10 minutes surfing the website together looking for an email address. (At this stage I wasn’t giving up, or even angry, I was simply curious to see how this would get resolved)
PP3: Looks like there isn’t an email address for customer service at ‘bollockscompany’. But I know the customer service rep for our office, so here’s my email address. Send it to me and I’ll print it out and give it to him.
Me: Thank you.

And what was her email address. hername@bollockscompany.com

So far I have been imaginarily self employed for the purposes of purchasing, I am sure when you have to be the suckers who are doing the selling (it comes later) it will suck a great deal.