Welcome To Dongmak Gol!

(here is a lovely photo of my lovely wife enjoying her lovely new life in gimhae).been a while all and sundry, but we are now back with pc even though we are not online yet. We have moved to gimhae, almost trouble free, well almost almost trouble free. I have been here since Wednesday night working my bollocks off, and parky got here this morning, tired and shagged from the overnight bus ride. She left gangneung at 11:00 pm and arrived in busan at 4:30 am, went to a hot spring (fantastic natural hot water from underground, that has been turned into one of the coolest public bathhouses in Corea) arrived in gimhae and we went shopping together. We bought an oven, an oven mitt and some wine. Parky bought some jeans and a “round the house, comfy shirt” that says “team Gmbh 20** suzu tiggerty bayron yu k5 parker play modern ph grv BNP Mt Kukai spray yams i.u.M.A fish WW accur Lw moto yamoto Over Cunningham jacko?” on the back. Apparently she bought it only for its comfort value, not to use in grammar class. (no, it is not corean, or any other language that I’m aware of)

(just another photie for the roadsign inspectors tour of Corea)
The amazing thing is that parky’s new shirt is not the most amazing thing that has happened this week. The inaugural WOMBAT tour happened on Monday, it started at 4am, it lasted only 75kms, there was only one rider and he didn’t pay, but it was great. At 3:30am Monday I got up and decided it was time to head to Gimhae. The reason for the early start was, there is a 100km or so section of freeway on the road down the east coast of Corea, on which motorcycles are not allowed.

[Motorcycles are not allowed on any freeways in Corea. All freeways, except for this one, are toll ways. Thence they begin with boomgates, where you pick up your ticket, and end with manned booths, where you pay you fare. Said freeway is, as stated, not a tollway, also as stated, the only one in the country. The alternative route involves travelling up into the mountains in a bendy-wendy semicircle that is at least twice as long and a 60kmph zone the whole way. Not to mention that it is much colder in the mountains, there is a possibility of snow on the road (the aforementioned freeway runs within 2kms of the coast the whole way) and I morally object to not being allowed onto the freeway. There is also the thing that I had at least 6 hours of riding in from of me, possibly 8, and without taking that freeway I had at least 8 hours of riding in front of me possibly 10.]

For all these reasons and more I was determined to ride this freeway. This freeway begins about 100kms from Gangneung. I wanted to start at 3:30 to get to the beginning of this freeway at around 5:00am and enter it whilst the policeman stationed at the start of the freeway (in a little booth in the middle, for observing both entering and exiting traffic) might be still asleep. So off I went and it was bitterly cold, my visor was scratched and rooted and the bloody bike which I had just had serviced wouldn’t idle. I actually thought when I started “bloody hell, this bike is loud since the last service”. Then I thought it’s 3:30am and there is no background noise, maybe it’s always this loud, I had never ridden during such a quiet time of day before. So off I went, pissed off at the no idle business, but outside of the city it ceased to matter.

(this is the guy, if you see him be afraid, be very afraid)
The background story is that I had just the previous week taken the bike in for a service. I said to Bike Guy (for that is his name) do everything, change the oil, filter, airfilter, back brakes, chain, grease and oil every moving joint, put winter gloves on the handlebars, check out this entire bike, we bought the bike from you and we have been coming to you since we got to Gangneung for everything we need, you have always done a great job and your prices have always been ridiculously low, just do everything you can for the upcoming 600km trip, money is not an issue, just do it. We are moving to Gimhae and I want to get there knowing I will have at least a few months to find a good mechanic such as yourself before my bike needs more work. (this is not a summary, this is exactly what I said to him, verbatim, apart from when I said it to him it was said in Corean)

I was underway about 50 kms outside of Gangneung when I stopped for a coffee, all was well and I started up again. About 74kms out from Gangbusters it was 5:30 and I was still about 20 minutes from the freeway. It was colder than when I left but it was nice nonetheless. The moon was high in the sky, I was bashing along at about 100kmph, behind schedule because of an unexpected mountain range with tricky, slinky, sexy, off camber corners, but still happy with my progress. It wasn’t until about 1km later that I heard a really loud BBBBBBANG!!!!! After that I heard just chrink crlang crlunk, chrink crlang crlunk, chrink crlang crlunk. Not a great sound anywhere, really not a great sound where I was. There weren’t any towns in from of me for 40kms and Sokcho was 20kms behind me. I got to thinking that this was probably the furthest you could get from a town in Corea. Admitting to myself that I was not going to make it forwards or back I took the first available east-west road and headed east knowing that the sea was only 2-3kms away, hoping against hope that there was a village between me and the sea (and full well knowing that if I started uphill (west) the engine would shit itself in 20 seconds flat and the nearest village might be up to 50 kms anyway. I was never to find out if there was a village there or not, the bike shat itself 20 seconds later, even though I was travelling downhill. Where I ended up was not even a village, just 5 or 6 houses, obviously farmers as they all (excluding one) had their lights on already. I stopped there not through choice, the Hyosung Mirage plain and simple shat its last nappy. First some background knowledge on the geography of Corea:

South Corea is one-third the size of Victoria. South Corea has a population twice that of Australia. South Corea is inhabited on only 45% of its total land mass. South Corea, per square kilometre of inhabited land, is the most densely populated country on earth. That said, where it isn’t inhabited it really, really isn’t inhabited. Gangwondo is the most sparsely populated state of Corea. Gangwondo is completely made up of mountains. Really, really steep rock face, cliff like mountains. The most remote town on all of South Corea is a town called Dongmak Gol.

(rodsign inspectors II)
A brief background of South Corean pop culture:

It’s not great.

A brief background of the South Corean motion picture industry:

The South Corean government has imposed a quota on all films screened here. That is, 40% of all films screened in South Corea must be South Corean made. That means that in 1991 40% of films screened in South Corea were South Corean made, but the most of them were screened between 1:00am and 5:00am and they accounted for about 0.05% of ticket sales. Today the 40% quota still exists but the films are better and better all the time. About 75% of ticket sales last year were for Corean made films. And with the exception of the last 2 Harry Potter films, Lord of the Rings 2 and 3, Star Wars: Revenge of the Syth and very few others, the biggest selling films in Corea have all been Corean since I arrived in 2001. In fact only 3 films in the history of Corean cinema have broken the 10 000 000 ticket mark, only 3, and all three were Corean. 10 000 000, not bad for a country of 44 000 000. The last one to do it was just 1 month ago, it revolved around 2 gay jesters who were trying to save their life by making the un-humorous king laugh. Hilarious!
One of many films last year didn’t break the 10 000 000, mark but went to about 8 or 9 000 000. Still, nearly 1 in 4 people saw it in the cinema alone! Regardless of video and dvd, regardless of babies and grandmothers, regardless of people illegally downloading it off of the internet. Not bloody bad if you ask me! It was a popular film. It was well made and it was called “Welcome To Dongmak Gol” It was about a town that was so isolated that it was the only town in Greater Corea that didn’t realise that the Corean war had broken out. It was based in 1952 when the Corean war was almost over and some of the soldiers on opposing sides of the war ended up there and soon realised that they weren’t enemies within that town, because the people there didn’t know of polotics, let alone the war. Many people in Ganeung and Gangwondo debated whether Dongmak Gol even exists. It was obvious that if a town like that had existed (even in the 1950’s) it would have to have existed in Gangwondo, the only place in Corea where such remoteness would be geographically possible. Was it a made up town for the purpose of cinema alone?

It is reminiscent of the Australian Black Stump. We use it as a figure of speech, sure plenty of people say that they have been to Black Stump, or that there is a town in outback N.S.W. with a gigantic black stump and that’s where it comes from, but basically regardless of whether it exists or not, as a figure of speech for describing remoteness it exists in our minds. That brings me to the point. Does Dongmak Gol exist? Could there possibly be a town in Corea that is so isolated that even people who live only 75kms from it debate its existence? Yes, there bloody could be! That is not only my theory; I have photographic evidence of that fact. I am sure, from the hints given, that all and sundry know where my Mirage decided to shag itself. Welcome to Dongmak Gol!

(this is the video cover for Welcome To Dongmak Gol)

Well, it was 5:30am (remember it is winter here) and I wasn’t even on the highway anymore, I was in the mythical town of fucking Dongmak Gol. It must be said at this point that I wasn’t unhappy, at the bike, at the time of day nor at the location in which I found myself. I actually found it all rather surreal. It was actually quite amusing. I just kept thinking to myself “What an interesting situation to be in”.

I have always known that I have a plan in every situation. Somewhere within my head there is a plan, a secret plan, so secret that I often don’t even tell myself about it. This was one such time. There is no other explanation for being in the situation I was in and being so happy with the way things were turning out. My plan, that I chose to reveal to myself at that time, was to walk back to the army barracks, for which I had earlier seen a sign, hitchhike back to Sokcho and go to the public bath, wait for a decent time to ring Parky, get her to ring Bike Guy, get him to come and pick me and the bike up, take it back to his shop and confirm that it has blown a bottom end bearing because he has drained the oil, changed the filter, put the plugs back in and sent me on my way without any oil at all in the sump……..and then I had no plan.

this is parky being silly with the new video doorbell. for my sillyness please check out www.wombatcorea.blogspot.com
This plan went swimmingly, even the bit about having no oil in the sump whatsoever. (as shitty as that is, it was kind of nice to have such a wigged-out theory proven correct. He has also admitted responsibility and agreed to purchase the bike from us for about two thirds of its pre-bang-chring-crlang-crlunk status value) About 7 hours later when I was leaving Bike Guy’s shop I got in a taxi, only to realise that my plan had come to an end. At least the bit I had told myself about, but I knew there was more that I wasn’t telling myself, because I was still so relaxed and happy, considering how the day was panning out, on what should have been a pretty rat-shit day. So there I was in the taxi, the driver asking me where I wanted to go, me quite honestly without a clue and the words “Asa Motors, Gyo-dong” flew out without a thought. All of a sudden I knew what I was had been secretly planning for myself, and I went out and bought the 750cc Honda magna that I have been looking at since November.

I am a happy little chappy now I must tell you. Broom broom vroom. Wow! What a bike! It is a big comfy cruiser, low to the ground with a thumping engine, but it is sporty, very responsive to the throttle, corners well, brakes well and goes like a shower of shit. I’m so very very happy. That was nearly a week ago now and I still haven’t gotten over it. Parky and I went out for a 100kms today. Through the mountains, down to the sea and back up to Gimhae. Vroom!

On Wednesday though I did eventually I did ride the freeway down south. I thought to myself “shag it! I’ll take my chances” I left at about 7:30 from Gangneung on Wednesday, got to the freeway entrance at 9:00 and the sentry there was still asleep and I drove straight past him. I must have woken him up though, the decibels this bike puts out are unreal. A big thumping 4 cylinder, quad exhaust engine gliding up to him at about 4000 revs, slowing down, preparing to be stopped and told to piss off, seeing he was asleep and gunning it down the freeway, it must have shaken the walls of his little cubicle.

(please click on this photo to see the magna in all of its glory)

Parky and I rode the freeway for a second time today. There is a huge mountain in-between Gimhae and where we were and a freeway tunnel going under it. There is also a long, windy, enormous detour around the mountain that would bring us to Gimhae in about one and a half hours. The tunnel takes about 15 minutes. We pulled up to the tollgate, hoping to bluff our way through and the nazi bitch wouldn’t let us past the boomgates, so we started to take the detour. Within about 2 minutes we made a wrong turn, drove past two coppers washing their police car and ended back up at the boomgates. We did this once more with the express intention of asking the coppers which would be the best way back to Gimhae. One of the very nice Corean policemen (which they usually tend to be, outside of Imgae) spent about 3 minutes explaining to us how to get back to back to Gimhae. When he had finished we tried to confirm the route and stuffed up at the first junction to which he replied “Just go through the bloody tunnel, you will come out the other side in Gimhae”. Parky asked him if that wasn’t illegal. He replied “Of course it’s illegal, but who cares really, and plus I know that there isn’t anyone watching the tunnel freeway today, we are all here washing our cars.” So, laughing our tits off, we went back to the boomgates and tried to explain that the copper had told us to go through. Nazi Tunnel Bitch (for that is her name) just started screaming at us and pointing out the big signs with the motorcycles with big red “X”’s through them. When she started getting red in the face I realised we weren’t getting through to her and gunned it.

Now we are home. I have worked so much at our little apartment here in Gimhae. It is so small, but it has all come together quite nicely. Parky was really happy when she arrived yesterday, (it is now Sunday). It was such a brothel when we first arrived last Saturday. We moved out boxes in and they filled the entire apartment. You, quite literally could not walk about the place once we had put all of our stuff in here. But over the last three days I have concentrated on building upwards and saving as much floor space as we can. The result was a resounding, and surprising, success.

I’ll leave you there. Only to say that I start my new job tomorrow and it will be quite a challenge, I’m sure. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Cheers, Bonzo.

(check out www.wombatcorea.blogspot.com :the link is on the top-right of screen)

Sexiness On Wheels, Gangwon Style!

Hidey-Ho neighbours. I am a new man. I’ve received a package of music from Pookey and Mal, wolfmother, system of a down, go team, tv on the radio and so much more. I am now the happiest little camper this side of Mount Baek-du. It’s a pretty desolate musical landscape here in Corea unless you are into bubble gum pop, “rock ballads”, or some other utter, utter drivel. If such unadulterated rubbish were in fact your cup of green tea, you would be in your element, you gormless wanker!

This is me listening to Corean poop music and trying to hide my genuine feelings of hatred and loathing. Personally I think I'm doing a pretty good job!

I’m not a fan of Corean pop to be honest. It’s sung by people around the age of ‘Hanson’, with M.C. Hammer type catchy-ness and stage gymnastics, add the cutesy-ness of “ice cream kids” dolls and the sweetness of honey covered cotton candy on fairy bread, with all of the sincerity of “Milli Vanilli”. You’re getting there now, and it’s all the goddamned same, the whole pestilential lot of it! Of course you must add the ubiquitous English phrase “Come on everybody!” or “Throw your hand up!” or “Wabe your hand in the air rike you just don’t care!” between verses. (Plurals are not super common here in Corea. And amongst many other idiosyncrasies of the Corean language, you cannot end words with “S” nor can you start a word with the letter “L”, even though you can both start a word with “S” and finish it with the letter “L”. The letter “V” doesn’t exist full stop.) I’m glad I’m writing this down, because without being able to re-read it I’m quite sure I wouldn’t know what I had started on about.
Now I have read again from the top I realise I wasn’t far off track, I was talking about music and how much I am enjoying the new cds in my possession. Whilst listening to them today I have also discovered many wondrous things. Roy and hg are back on the radio, I have changed my blog site language from Corean back into English (something I have been struggling with ever since I started this thing) and I have figured out how to post videos on the blog site. The grand total of the videos I have taken though is actually 1, Parky has taken 2, and none of them were intended for public display or even seriously considered before shooting. The 2 that Parky has taken were both taken before I realised that she knew how to take video (with our super new digital camera. Cheers mum and dad!!) and I am the focus of them, being totally unaware that they were taken. I must admit to wondering why she was pointing the camera at me and not taking photos, but being married to someone who is prone to doing fairly random things, I never gave it much thought. I am sure Parky knows how I feel, she is also married to such a person, the videos are testament to that. The two guys in my video are also completely unaware that they are being filmed.

That said, I am going to post them anyway just to prove that I can. I do however solemnly promise from here on in to put much more forethought into the making of the videos before I make and/or post them.


What I was originally intending to write about was our tour we did yesterday. It is my last week in Gangneung and Parky’s second last and we decided to hire a Kia Carnival and take a tour up in the mountains with a few mates. First a few notes on Kia Carnivals (or should that be Kias Carnival).
1) They are quite nice to drive.
2) It is said that they seat 9, and they do. If of course you don’t come equipped with an oriental sized bottom, they seat only 6 really comfortably. But the ride and the seats themselves are very comfortable.
3) The (auto) gearbox is made by Kia and is therefore by definition crap.
4) For those of you who have driven or even been in dad’s boat will get a distinct feeling of déjà vu when you are turning a Kia Carnival at full lock.
5) It’s fuel consumption (diesel) is quite excellent, and it’s power (although they would never make a race car) isn’t super terrible at all.
6) You will never pull chicks in a Kia Carnival. Single mums, maybe. Chicks, no.

7) When driving a Kia Carnival (or any other form of transport at all) with Phillip and Dave, don’t leave the beers near Philip. First he will drink the half of them, then he will cede ‘Power Of The Beer’ to a higher authority. That will usually result in Dave creating some kind of commotion that invariably prolongs each and every rest (read: piss) stop.
8) Whenever hiring a Kia Carnival (or any other form of transport at all) for a road trip, always do your utmost to make sure that both Phillip and Dave are amidships. This is the best insurance you could ever make toward never forgetting your road trip.

The drive was a gas. We started out with no idea where we were going. 30 minutes into the trip we attempted a frozen, snow covered hill climb, we got about 500 yards up the barstard before having to reverse down it. It was going to be about 15 kilometres up before we went down again. 500 yards was a bit pathetic I must admit, but I reversed the first 20 or so yards in ‘D for drive’ and about 2 yards every time I put the brakes on, giving you an idea of the gradient of the slope and the condition of the road (about 4cm of solid ice, no snow). Much later we discovered snow chains in the back and that the tyres were as bald as a fireman’s helmet but we didn’t mind, for had we made it up the slope the “Road Sign Inspector’s Tour Of Gangwondo” would never have taken place.





We took an alternative route through Im Gae, a piss ant village most fondly remembered for being host to not only the toothless hobo that asked me for and was given a cigarette, but also the copper that grabbed him by the neck, spun him around kicked him full pelt, right up the arse and reminded him that he had previously been asked not to bother the weiguks, and sent merrily on his way. (Although I can’t, for the life of me work out which, if any, weiguks had ever been to Im Gae or why)

We ended up in Jongseon and had a lavish feast of goat, chicken, ginseng and dog. It was lovely. The drive was beautiful. The lakes and reservoirs were frozen over, the mountains were covered in snow and the beers were frosty cold. I will post photies but the feeling of driving around the Gangwon mountain ranges in winter cannot be captured on film, it must simply be done, and done in a rental with 6 of your best mates.

Top Start To The Lunar New Year

Well I just re-read my last blog from the 28th of January. I did say that part two would come when I am sober. It has been just over a week now and finally I am sober again, so here it is. The one problem I am having is that I can’t remember what part two was about. I should really learn to take notes when I am planning a later blog whilst under the influence. I think I should also learn to ‘save as draft’ at these times and post my blog the next day. This would spare an awful lot of bollocks appearing on this site.

Now, I have made a couple of changes to the links column, you will see on the right of screen as you scroll down. First of all is the dilbert blog, this you must read. It is as silly as a wheel. Enough said. Second is “Calmly Hungover”. It is my mate Dave’s blog. It is an interesting perspective on life in Corea and on the planet in general. It is distinctly Dave and not recommended for anyone who dislikes being out of his or her comfort zone. Thirdly is a link to a site called “Stupid Videos”. One can whittle away hours at this site if one chooses. If you do chose to visit it, Parky’s favourite is “Happy Doughboy”. Just plonk that in the search bar and you should find it. Nathan, my yankee mate from down the road, highly recommends “Why men don’t ask for directions”. They both display a taste for refined, intellectual humour and I think this is reflected in their choices. (every fifth video is automatically a commercial for something not related to the video, so if you find that you haven’t wet your nappy after viewing either of these two, press play again.)

Well Al (egg) has been here to visit for the last week. We had a great time. He arrived in Gangneung on Thursday. It has been a very mild winter with temperatures hovering between –3° and 3° with clear blue skies. On Thursday the weather continued as normal, in fact it was rather nice. We had a top of about 6° and it was very nice until eventide when it became bitterly cold. We awoke in the morning on Friday to find that it was the coldest in Gangneung that it had been for 12 months. We had our first below zero maximum since last march. The official temperature was -3° max for the day, if it made that I’ll eat my hat. It was bitter, bitter, bitter cold with quite a wind whipping up off of the freezing ocean and perfect weather Al and I decided to go for a bit of a ride on the bike. Of course we were still inside the heated apartment when we made this decision, but we didn’t back out. When we got outside and our frozen bollocks broke clear away from our bodies we figured we had nothing left to lose and rode straight to the beach of all places. Al’s hands had gone a peculiar shade of pink and had grown ridges the size of the zugspitz by the time we got there, and after a quick cuppa we decided to ride back into town and buy gloves for the poor fella. About a third of the way back into town we spotted a store that may have had gloves so we pulled up there, bought gloves and proceeded down to Gyeongpo, the other beach in town. One might have thought that we would have learned our lesson by then and not ridden to the beach, but we did. I guess the highlight was pulling up at one of the public dunnies at Gyeongpo at Al’s request. I stayed outside and smoked a ciggie while Al ventured forth. After about 10 minutes I see Al leaning out of the dunny door and beckoning me inside, I followed and realised what he had been doing in there all this time, there was not only a hand dryer blasting gusts of hot hot hot air but also a radiator about the size of a computer screen mounted on one of the walls, radiating, as they are wont to do. This was the happiest I had seen Al for an hour or so now, we stayed in there for about 10 more minutes laughing at how ridiculous the situation was and ventured straight home upon exit.

We had a cracking time over the weekend while Al was here, it was freezing cold so we hired a car as opposed to venturing out on the bike again and went up into the mountains and stuffed about. I will write more later when I get the pics to go with the story. One thing that does stand out in the memory though was that after dinner on Saturday Al was coming down with a cold so I gave him my keys and he went home and Parky and I went out for a couple of drinks with our mates. Upon getting home at about 11:00pm, Al had locked the door to the apartment and Parky realised that she had forgotten her keys. My first thought was “we are never going to wake him” and I was right. We stood there for About 15 minutes, me ringing the doorbell and ringing the house phone from my mobile, Parky knocking on the door and yelling “AL!” (and giggling like a schoolgirl). After that we went upstairs and woke the landlord and got the spare key to the house. I put my ear to the door to make sure Al was still in fact alive to hear the dulcet tone of his light snoring. Satisfied, but bewildered as to how he had slept through that, Parky and I went to bed.

Many things that had puzzled me the previous night were explained to me in the morning. One was when Al woke up he was feeling much better but insisted it was beyond him how we could ever sleep with the heating turned up so high. He said that he had awoken at about 3ish covered in sweat and the whole room was so hot that he could hardly handle it. We figured that he must have had a hell of a fever because we had run out of heating oil and the apartment was actually quite cold. So that explained the dead sleep, but what about Parky’s giggling. She explained that after yelling “AL!” at the door a few times she realised what it must sound like to the neighbours. “Al” in Corean means “Egg”. So she had this vision of somebody hearing from another apartment, her at the door yelling “Egg! Egg!” and had broken into a giggle fit, one of those giggly moments when you can’t even explain yourself without breaking out again. I must admit, the image is quite amusing.

That is about the end of it for the moment. I have now remembered what part two was about but that must be saved for later. It is a whole new level of silly.

Benjamin